This is a famous paper written for an Oxford philosophy exam, normally requiring an eight page essay answer and expected to be backed up with source material, quotes and analytical reasoning.
This guy wrote the below answer and topped the exam!
OXFORD EXAMINATION BOARD 1987
ESSAY QUESTION
Question: What is courage? (50 Marks)
Answer: This is courage
A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to forward it to the President of the India as a joke.
The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 in taxes ... "
HOW A SON or DAUGHTER THINKS OF HIS/HER FATHER AT DIFFERENT AGES
At 4 Years My daddy is great.
At 6 Years My daddy knows everybody.
At 10 Years My daddy is good but is short tempered and knows little less than my friend's Daddy.
At 12 Years My daddy was very nice to me when I was young
At 16 Years My daddy is not in line with the current times. Frankly he does not know anything.
At 18 Years My daddy is becoming increasingly cranky.
At 20 Years Oh! Its becoming difficult to tolerate daddy. Wonder how Mother puts up with him.
At 25 Years Daddy is objecting to everything. Don't know when he will understand the world.
At 30 Years It's becoming difficult to manage my son. I was so scared of my father when I was young.
At 40 Years Daddy brought me up with so much discipline. I wonder how he managed to handle the younger generation.
At 45 Years I am baffled as to how my daddy brought us up.
At 50 Years My daddy faced so many hardships to bring us up. (We were four brothers and sisters). I am unable to manage a single son.
At 55 Years My daddy was so far sighted and planned so many things for us.
Even at this old age, he is able to control things. He is one of his kind and unique.
At 60 Years My daddy was great.
Thus, it took 56 years to complete the cycle and come back to the 1st stage!
In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the Mahabharat Katha to class 6 students.
He is at the 'krishnajanma' part of it.
Masterji: "Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devki behind the bars. First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning... Second one is born n kansa throws him off the mountain peak
Third one is born..............."
Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused)
"Ramu bete, whole india does not have doubt in mahabharata then how come u have one?"
Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to Kill him,
WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL IN JAIL ?
Masterji fainted.........................no answer.....
Prof .of Economics
Kiss is that thing for which the demand is
always higher than the supply.
Prof. of Accountancy
Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Algebra
Kiss is infinity because two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry
Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.
Prof. of Physics
Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry
Kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology
Kiss is the interchange of salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology
Kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularisoris muscles
in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry
Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof! . of Statistics
Kiss is an event whose probability depends on the
vital statistics of 36-24-36.
Prof. of Philosophy
Kiss is the persecution for the child,
ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English
Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction,
it is more common than proper,
it is spoken in the plural and
it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Architecture
Kiss is a process which builds a solid bond
between the two dynamic objects
Prof. of Computer Science
What is a kiss? It seems to be an undefined
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air,it was blown away.then
I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack .
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
TEACHER== Name four members of the cat family?
STUDENTS== Daddy cat,Mummy cat and two kittens !
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Police man== Stop, stop, your headlights are not working.
The Man== Move, move, even the brakes are not working.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Why does history keep repeating it self?
Because we weren't listening the first time !
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A sardar ji pulled out 6 people from a burning house...
still he was in jail.......why?
coz all the 6 were firebrigade staff !
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Doctor, doctor, will i be able to play the
violin after the operation?"
"yes of course...."
"Great ! i never could before"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful why dosen't it rain on you?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
When ur life is in darkness pray to God ask him to
free u from darkness and if after you pray and your
still in darkness, please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL !
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I start my day by sitting on a chair,
giving my monitor a hard,cold stare,
by evening im done with another coding,
Oh! this has become a routine so boring.
Like all, i entered this field with great hope,
jobs were many and there was plenty of scope,
dreams of joining the likes of Gates,
and a chance to make money in the states.
Thus, i entered the world of bytes,
only to realise that reality bites,
coz a programmer's life, isnt all that cozy,
the bed of software, isnt all that rosy.
Seeing the monitor all day n night,
have taken the power of my eyesight,
late to bed n late to rise,
has made me wealthy, but not healthy n wise.
Working holidays, busy weekends,
no time for family, no time for friends,
my job steals most of my time,
helplessly, i watch this crime.
Just for few bits of money,
i forego those moments with my honey,
when i should be out - having fun,
i am telling a comp, whats to be done.
I hate u, yet i cant get away,
coz, i need the money u pay,
god, to thee i pray,
if there be one - show me the way.....
its a 7 letter word.
if we remove 1 letter from it, it remains same.
if we remove 2 letters from it, it remains same.
if we remove 3 letters from it, it remains same.
if we remove all the letters from it, still it remains same.
whatz it ?
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POST BOX (he he he he... j)
Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), he started praying to the River Goddess.
The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was
his. The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM!". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip,
set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later,
Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of
planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter
past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful
and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful
day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Someone has stolen our tent".
Santa happened to participate in a competition, which was about writing the shortest story. The organizers had put a condition that a story must have four ingredients viz. religion, sex, suspense and mystery. Santa's turn came after many attempts by others. Santa gave a story, which was just one sentence and read: "Oh God, my wife is going to deliver a child". Ostensibly amused, the organizers asked Santa whether it contained all the four ingredients! Santa replied affirmatively and gave his explanation as below:
Oh God: religion; my wife: sex; going to deliver a child: suspense (whether a girl or a boy); "Okay...but where is the mystery?" asked one of the organizers.
Santa replied, "Who is the father?
Santa was declared the winner for writing the shortest story!
Jack and Max are walking from religious service.
Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?"
But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."
Moral: The reply you get depends on the question you ask.
For Example: Can I work on this project while I'm on vacation?
As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in software Engineer and joined a company based in USA the land of braves and opportunity.
When I arrived in the USA, it was as if a dream had come true. Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would be staying in this country for about five years in which time I would have earned enough money to settle down in India.
My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat. I wanted to do some thing more than him.
I started feeling home sick and lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents every week using cheap international phone cards.
Two years passed, two years of Burgers at McDonald's and pizzas and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever the Rupee value went down.
Finally I decided to get married.
Told my parents that I have only 10 days of holidays and everything must be done within these 10 days. I got my ticket booked in he cheapest flight. Was jubilant and was actually enjoying shopping for gifts for all my friends back home. If I miss anyone then there will be talks. After reaching home I spent home one week going through all the photographs of girls and as the time was getting shorter I was forced to select one candidate. In-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to get married in 2-3 days, as I will not get anymore holidays. After the marriage, it was time to return to USA, after giving some money to my parents and telling the neighbors to look after them, we returned to USA.
My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she started feeling lonely.The frequency of calling India increased to twice in a week sometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started diminishing.
After two more years we started to have kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were gifted to us by the almighty.
Every time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to India so that they can see their grand-children.
Every year I decide to go to India. But part work part monetary conditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting India was a distant dream. Then suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriously sick. I tried but I couldn't get any holidays and thus could not go to India.
The next message I got was my parents were passed away and as there was no one to do the last rights the society members had done whatever they could. I was depressed. My parents were passed away without seeing their grand children.
After couple more years passed away, much to my children's dislike and my wife's joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to return to the USA.
My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to stay in India. My 2 children and myself returned to USA after promising my wife I would be back for good after two years.
Time passed by. My daughter decided to get married to a American and my son was happy living in USA. I decided that I had enough and wound- up everything and returned to India. I had just enough money to buy a decent two bed room flat in a well developed locality.
Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for the routine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me and gone to the holy abode. Sometimes I wondered was it worth all this?
My father, even after staying in India, had a house to his name and I too have the same nothing more.
I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM.
Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing.This damned cable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are losing their values and culture because of it. I get occasional cards from my children asking I am alright. Well at least they remember me.
Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbors again who will be performing my last rights, God bless them.
But the question still remains 'Was all this worth it ?
1)Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
2)Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
3)Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
A good story for all of us to follow in our careers.
Once upon a time a Washerman was bringing up two donkeys. Let us say
Donkey-A and Donkey-B.
Donkey-A felt it was very energetic and could do better than the
other.
It always tried to pull the washerman's attraction over it by
taking more load and walking fast in front of him.Innocent Donkey-B is
normal, so it will walk normal, irrespective of the washerman's
presence. After a period of time, Washerman started pressurising
Donkey-B to be like Donkey-A.
But Donkey-B unable to walk fast, got continuous punishment from
washerman. It was crying and told personally to Donkey-A "Dear friend,
only we two are here, why to compete with each other....we can carry
equal load at normal speed -". That made Donkey-A all the more
energetic and next day it told to washerman that it can carry more
load and even it can run fast also.
Obviously happier washerman looked at Donkey-B.., his BP raised and he
started kicking Donkey-B. Next day with smile, Donkey-A carried more
load and started running fast. But it was breathtaking for Donkey-B
and it couldn't act that way....But the washerman was frustrated, so
he harassed Donkey-B terribly, and finally it fell down hopelessly.
Then Donkey-A felt itself as a supremo and happily started carrying
more load with great speed. But now the Load of the Donkey-B is also
being carried by Donkey-A.,and still it has to run fast. For some
period it did, finally due to fatigue it got tired and started feeling
the pain. But washerman expected more from Donkey-A. It also tried
best, but couldn't cope up with his owners demand. The Washerman got
angry with Donkey-A also and started harassing to take more
load...Donkey-A was crying for long time and then tried its best...But
it couldn't meet the owner's satisfaction. Finally the day came when
due to frustration the washerman killed Donkey-A and went for
searching some other Donkeys.
Its an endless story..........
But the moral of the Story in Corporate life is......,
"Think all projectmates are same and that everyone is capable....
Always share the Load equally..... Don't ever act smart in front of
your Boss and never try for getting over-credit...
Don't feel happy when ur projectmate is under pressure.. "
And most importantly, Never Work Hard, Work Cleverly..
Once upon a time, there was a very strong woodcutter.He asked for a job
from a timber merchant, and he got it. The pay was really good and so were
the work conditions. For that reason the woodcutter was determined to do his best.
His boss gave him an axe and showed him the area where he was supposed to work.
The first day, the woodcutter brought down 18 trees.
The Boss was very much impressed and said, "Congratulations keep it up!"
Very motivated by the words of the boss, the woodcutter tried harder the
next day, but he only could bring down 15 trees.
The third day he tried even harder, but he only could bring down 10 trees.
Day after day he was bringing down less and less trees.
"I must be losing my strength", the woodcutter thought to himself.
He went to the boss and apologized, saying that he could not understand what! was going on.
"When was the last time you sharpened your Axe?" the boss asked.
"Sharpen? I had no time to sharpen my Axe. I have been very busy trying to cut trees.
The moral of the story:
Our lives are like that. We sometimes get so busy that we don't take time to sharpen the axe. In today's world, it seems that everyone is busier than ever, but less happy than ever. Why is that? Could it be that we have forgotten how to stay sharp?
There is nothing wrong with activity and hard work.
But we should not get so busy that we neglect the truly important things
in life, like our personal life, taking time to care for others, taking time to read, etc.
We all need time to relax, to think and meditate, to learn and grow. If we don't take time to sharpen the axe, we will become dull and lose our effectiveness.
So start from today, think about the ways by which you could do your job more effectively and add a lot of value to it.
Hope this story has given you some insight to life.
May you be happy always.
"To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart."
A group of working adults got together to visit their University
lecturer. The lecturer was happy to see them. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.
The Lecturer just smiled and went to the kitchen to get an assortment of cups - some porcelain, some in plastic, some in glass, some
plain looking and some looked rather expensive and exquisite.
The Lecturer offered his former students the cups to get drinks for themselves.
When all the students had a cup in hand with water, the Lecturer spoke: "If you noticed, all the nice looking, expensive cups were
taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal that you only want the best for yourselves, that is the source of your
problems and stress. What all you wanted was water, not the cup, but we unconsciously went for the better cups."
"Just like in life, if Life is Water, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold/maintain Life, but
the quality of Life doesn't change."
"If we only concentrate on the cup, we won't have time to enjoy/taste the water in it."
One day a man was having a conversation with GOD when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints.
He asked god "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??" to which god answered
"Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you... you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you"
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Wasnt it CoOL
For those who want to read a funnier version of this..... scroll down....
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Software version of this...
Another day a S/w Programmer was having a similar conversation with his PM when his whole project flashed before his eyes as a series of
footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints.
He asked his PM "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??" to which the PM answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times, I was sitting on your head!!"
It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 a.m., when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb.
He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with
another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well
healed,
so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the
nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I then inquired as to her
health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now. I was surprised, and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is." I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life." True love is neither physical, nor romantic.
True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails, sometimes there are some that come along that have an important message, and this is one of those kind. Just had to share it with you all.
The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have. Please share this with someone you care about - I just did!
SEE the difference:-
HER DIARY
I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him, but he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you too."
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant and absent.
Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed.
I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.
I started crying and cried until I fell asleep. I do not know what to do.
I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY
India lost the match again. DAMN IT!
Very simple logic but very true !!
As I was passing the elephants,I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.
I saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. "Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away.
They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free." I was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn't, they were stuck right where they were.
Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? How many of us are being held back by old, outdated beliefs that no longer serve us? How many of us have avoided trying something new because of a limiting belief? Worse, how many of us are being held back by someone else's limiting beliefs?
Thought for the day - "Whatever you can conceive and believe, you can achieve"
10. Kaalia
"Hum jaha pe khade ho jaate hein , line wahin se shuru hoti hai."
9. Trishul
"Sahi baat ko sahi waqt pe kiya jaye to uska maza hi kuch aur hai, aur main sahi waqt ka intezaar karta hoon."
8.Satte Pe Satta
"Chain kuli ki, main kuli ki chain! Chain kuli ki, main kuli ki chain! Chain kuli ki, main kuli ki chain!"
7.Chupke Chupke
"Jis tarah gobhi ka phool phool hokar bhi phool nahi hota, waise hi gainde ka phool bhi phool hokar phool nahi hota."
6.Zanjeer
"Yeh tumhare baap ka ghar nahin, police station hai! Is liye sidhi tarah khade raho!"
5. Agneepath
"Pura naam, Vijay Dinanath Chauhan. Baap ka naam, Dinanath Chauhan; Maa ka naam, Suhasini Chauhan, gaon Mandwa; umar chhattis saal..."
4.Namak Halal
"I can talk English, I can walk English, I can laugh English because English is a very phunny language."
3.Shahenshah
"Rishte me to hum tumhare baap lagte hain , naam hai Shahenshah."
2. Deewar
"Haan, main sign karoonga, lekin pehle us aadmi ka sign le ke aao, jisne mera baap ko chor kaha tha ; pehle us aadmi ka sign le ke aao jisne meri maa ko gali deke naukri se nikal diya tha; pehle us aadmi ka sign le ke aao jisne mere haath pe ye ('mera baap chor hai') leekh diya tha. Uske baad... Uske baad, mere bhai, tu jo kahega us par main sign karoonga."
1.Sholay
"Tumhara naam kya hai, Basanti?"
It's half past 8 in the office
but the lights are still on..
PCs still running,
coffee machines still buzzing...
and who's at work?
Most of them?? Take a closer look..
All or most specimens are 20-something male species of
the human race...
Look closer... again all or most of them are bachelors...
and why are they sitting late? Working hard? No way!!
Any guesses??
Let's ask one of them...
Here's what he says... "What's there 2 do after going
home... here we get to surf, AC, phone, food,
coffee.. thats is why I am working late...
importantly no bossssssss!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the scene in most research centres and software companies and
other off-shore offices.
Bachelors "time-passing" during late hours in the
office just bcoz they say they've nothing else to do...
Now what r the consequences... read on...
"Working"(for the record only) late hours soon
becomes part of the institute or company culture.
With bosses more than eager to provide support to
those "working" late in the form of taxi vouchers, food vouchers and
of course good feedback,(oh, he's a hard worker... goes home only to
change..!!).They aren't helping things too... To hell with bosses who
don't understand the difference between "sitting" late and "working"
late!!
Very soon, the boss start expecting all
employees to put in extra working hours.
So, My dear Bachelors let me tell you, life changes
when u get married and start having a family... office is no longer a
priority, family is... and that's when the problem starts... becoz u
start having commitments at home too.
For your boss, the earlier "hardworking" guy
suddenly seems to become a "early leaver" even if u leave an hour
after regulartime... after doing the same amount of work.
People leaving on time after doing their tasks for
the day are labeled as work-shirkers...
Girls who thankfully always (its changing
nowadays... though) leave on time are labeled as "not up to it". All
the while, the bachelors pat their own backs and carry on "working"
not realizing that they r spoiling the work culture at their own place
and never realize that they wuld have to regret at one point of time.
*So what's the moral of the story?? *
· Very clear, LEAVE ON TIME!!
· Never put in extra time " *unless really needed *"
. Don't stay back un-necessarily and spoil your
company work culture which will in turn cause inconvenience to you and your
colleagues. There are hundred other things to do in the evening..
Learn music..
Learn a foreign language...
try a sport... TT, cricket.........
importantly
Get a girl friend, take her around town. (Girls go along with your BF)
· And for heaven's sake net cafe rates have dropped to an all-time low
(plus, no fire-walls) and try cooking for a change.
Take a tip from the Smirnoff ad: *"Life's calling,
where are you??"*
One day a man was having a conversation with god when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints. He asked god "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??" to which god answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you"
Another day a Design Engineer was having a similar conversation with his Project Manager when his whole project flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints. He asked his PM "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??" to which the PM answered "my friend, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times, I was sitting on your head!!"
1. What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.
2. Teacher to a Sardar : A=B, B=C, So A=C, Give me an example,
Sardar : I Love You, You Love Your Daughter, So I Love Your
Daughter.
3. Ek aadmi ki Biwi gum ho gayi, Waha RAM ke Mandir me gaya,
Ram ne kaha
Baju wale Hanuman Ke Mandir mai ja, Meri bibi bhi usi ne dhundhi thi.
5. Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his Phone
Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310
Now it is 6610"
6. Santa : I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical College,
Banta : Really, what is he studing, Santa : No he is not studying,
they r Studying him.
7. Chinti aur Hathi ka Prem Vivah hua. Agle Din Hathi ki Maut ho
gai...!! Chinti Boli Wah Mohabbat, EK din ka pyar hua, ab sari
umra kabar khodnemai bitegi..!!
8. Santa Banta ko 3 live bomb mile, Police ko dene chale, Santa agar
koi bomb raste mai Phat jaye to..?
Banta : Jhooth bol denge 2 hi mile the...!!!
9. Sardar falls in Love with Nurse. He writes a Loveletter to her,
" I LOVE U SISTER.
Imagine this ...
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that
there could only be one passenger in your car?
Think before you continue reading...
.........
.........
......
This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.
* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;
* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect hance to pay him back.
* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble
coming up with his answer.
......
......
......
......
......
......
......
......
......
He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."
Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought
limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."
In Hyderabad we have our own little Johnny. His name
is Chotu. His father is ambitious to educate Chotu.
Chotu goes to school located in Tappachaputra. Its
principal is educated in Urdu high school and claims
that he passed tenth class!
There is a school inspection thenext day and the
conversation is as follows :
Teacher: Kal inispector ayinga. Kochchanaa
(questions) puchinga. Sab
achchaa padkey aau. Koi galath answer deengaa naa
tho main uske pairaan thodtoon.
Chotu: Iski maakki. Kyun aara inispector? Kaam nai
hai usku? Kya
kochchanaa puchta kathey?
Teacher: Abey tereku kaiku re, tu kal school
aanaaich nai. Tu tera moo
khola to gaaliaan nikaltay. Tereku main absent nai
daalthaun. Ghar pe baithkey gotiyaan khel. Tu
school aayingaa to inispector ke saamney mere izzat
ki biryaani karke khaaingaa tu.
So our Chotu is excited, goes home and tells his
father that he is not
going to school the next day.
Father: Yeah kyaa hai..ischool hai paan dabba hai?
Gaand pay maartoon
saale tu ischool nai gaya to.
Chotu: Arey Bava, mera teacher bola nakko aao bolke.
Father: Usku akhal hai! Begum suno! Chotu ischool
nai jayinga kathey kal. Agar ino ischool nai gaya to
kaise padhinga?
Chotu, agar tu kal ischool nahin gaya naa, tere
haathan pairaan thod
daaltaun.
So Chotu cries and finally agrees to go to school.
Next day at inschool,
Teacher is very upset to see Chotu back:
Teacher: Arey teri maakki. Nakko aao bole to bhi
kyun aaya re?
Chotu: Mera bava gaand phodtaon bola ischool nai
gaya to.
Teacher: offo?! Tera bava bola? Theek hai chal. Last
bench pe baith aur
inispector aya to chup jaa. Dikhnaich nai. Kuch bhi
gadbad karinga naa meri noukri gaand lag jayingi.
So Chotu goes to sit in the last bench hiding behind
a tall guy.
Inspector comes for the visit.
Inspector: Adaab.
Teacher: Adaab saab. Bachen acha padrain saab.
Kochchanaa puchey to answeraan yun bolte.
Inspector: Abaa? Offo! Ithney kilever(clever) hai
aapke bachchey? Achchaa, ek bahuth easy sawaal -
Hamarey body mein sab se nazook cheez kaun si hai?
Teacher: Arey Imtiyaz tu bata rey!
Imtiyaz: Saab, Kaleja saab..
Inspector: Aisa! ...... woh kyun?
Imtiyaz: Saab, kaleja hai to sab kuch hota. Agar woh
gaya naa, kuch bhi nahin hota saab.
Inspector: Abaa, kya tez potta hai rey! Aur koi?
Teacher: Arey Akram, tu bata re.
Akram: Saab bheja saab. Bhejey ku khuch bhi hua to
kuch yaad nahin rehta saab. Haathaan pairaan kaam
nai karthey,iscooter ku kick bhi nai maar sakthey
saab.
Inspector: Abey Teacher, kya kya padaaraa re inku
tu. Chutiye ke jaiseich answeraan bolrai naa!!
In the meantime Chotu is trying very hard to hide
but Inspector sees him. He thinks Chotu is hiding
because he does not know the answer.
Inspector: Woh last bench pe yun jhuk ke baithaa naa
woh pottey ka naam kya hai?
Teacher: kaun saab? .......Woh! (iski bhain ku,
kaiku dikhaa re tu) Woh Chotu hai saab.
Inspector: Chotu? Ye kya naam hai? Kahan-kahan se
lagaathey re bhai
naamaan! Chotu, woh lambu ke peechchey kaiku chchup
raa tu?
Chotu: Saab main moo khola to teacher maaringi saab.
Inspector: Tereku yaa mereku??
Teacher: Arey kya baath kar reh saab, main kaiku
maarthaum aapku. Ye
potta ekdam badmaash hai saab, jhoot bolraa. Abey
Chotu, answer maloom hain to bol nai tho khaamoosh
baith jaa mere baap tere pau padthaum.
Chotu: Saab answer Gaand hai saab.
Teacher: Allah!! Ino moo khola to meri gaand lag
gayi re!!!
Inspector: Abey kyaa to bhi bolra re! Sharam kar
badon ke saamney aisaich baathaan karthey! Yeich
sikhaaye tumhaarey amma-bavaa? Gaand kahaan kaa
answer hai re?
Chotu: Hau saab, gaand ich sabse naazook cheez hai.
Kaiku boletho wahaan pe dilli mein baamb
phata....Yahan Hydrabad mein apni gaand phat
thi....Yahaan old city mein gadbadaan shuru
hothey....wahaan new city mein sabki gaand phat thi
gadbadaan wahaan phailtey kyaaki bolkey. Uttaa kyoon
saab,main yeh answer bolraun naa, mere teacher ki
gaand phatrai dekho!
When I Whine
~~~~~~~
Today, upon a bus, I saw a girl with golden hair
I looked at her and sighed and wished I was as fair.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and used a crutch
But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine
I have 2 legs, the world is mine.
~~~
I stopped to buy some candy
The lad who sold it had such charm
I talked with him a while, he seemed so very glad
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 eyes, the world is mine.
~~~
Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child with eyes of blue
He stood and watched the others play
He did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join the others, dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
And then I knew, he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 ears, the world is mine.
~~~
With feet to take me where I'd go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I would know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, The world is mine.
~~~~~~
Sorrow looks back,
Worry looks around,
Faith looks up.
Q - What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U
Continue to do so.
Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married;
Guess what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
Man before Marriage I like Airtel...."Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan"
After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where ever U Go Our Network
Follows."
Wife: Honey...... What are you looking for?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour...??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
" Leadership is about encouraging your team to set positive goals, and giving them ample space and opportunities to go achieve them. "
TELEGRAM #1
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams,
which the father receives as:
"Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
TELEGRAM #2
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a
telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here."
The message received by wife:
"I wish you were her."
TELEGRAM #3
A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return
to her husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it
was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the
queue,she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her
husband which reached as:
"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an
old lady."
TELEGRAM #4
A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party.
So he goes to order a birthday cake.
The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and says:
Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better".
The salesman asks, "How do you want me to put it?"
The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and
"You are getting better" at the bottom.
The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party
watched the message decorated on the cake:
"You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the
bottom".
TELEGRAM #5
A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent's house in
Delhi.
When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram to
his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer.
He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted.
It was written: 'Sethji aaj mar gaye! (Sethji Ajmer gaye)...
Boys are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The girls don't want to reach for the good ones because they're afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground, that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think that there is something wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing. That is why we just have to be a little patient and the right girl, the one who takes a chance to find the good, right apple, will come someday...
The accused (left) used a card-reader (right) to transfer the data
on to a PC for making a duplicate credit card
They Would Make Duplicates Of Credit Cards Used By Customers At A Juhu Hotel
TIMES NEWS NETWORK
Mumbai: The next time you decide to use your credit card on a shopping trip, think again. The Mumbai police have busted a hitech credit card fraud which they believe is the crime of the future.
Four gadget-savvy youngsters from Andheri, two of them software engineers, got together to earn a quick buck and ended up ripping off over Rs 3 lakh of citizens' money. The foursome were arrested by the Juhu police on Tuesday. Interestingly, one of the boys was all set to leave for the United State s for a job in a wellplaced computer firm.
According to the police, the mastermind of the gang is 19-year-old Leo Paul. A second-year engineering student at a Bandra college, Paul had read about a magnetic card-reading device which could store data once you swipe a card through it. Data from at least 12 such cards could be stored at a time. Paul realised that if credit cards were swiped though the machine, the personal data of a customer stored on it could be accessed. He then teamed with Akash Kamble, a 19-year-old Lokhandwala resident, and ordered the card-reader from USA , using the internet, since it's not available in India .
"The boys befriended a waiter at Kings International hotel at Juhu to take their plan ahead. Every time someone ate a meal in the hotel and paid by credit card, the waiter would discreetly swipe it through the magnetic card-reader, which is no more than 6-inches long and can be stored in the pocket,'' said investigating officer
Ramesh Nangare.
Once the waiter was done, he would hand over the device to Paul who would download the data from the cards on to Kamble's personal computer. The duo would then feed the data into blank cards, available in the grey market. The cards were now ready to be used in
shopping malls and theatres, or to withdraw money from an ATM.
Senior inspector Pradeep Shinde said that the boys forged information from more than 22 cards in this manner. The fraud came to light after officials from HSBC bank complained to the police. The cops quizzed customers whose cards had been duplicated and discovered they had all visited Hotel Kings International and paid by credit card. Investigators then caught the waiter who led them to the four youngsters. Paul, Kamble and the two other collegians identified as Manoj Chauhan (24) and Mahesh Valani (20), have been remanded to police custody.
NEW-AGE CRIME
A portable magnetic cardreader can store data from around a dozen cards tha t have been swiped through it; made in China, the device was bought on the net for Rs 18,000.
The card-reader is connected to a computer and the entire data is transferred there.
The data is then stored in blank cards available in the grey market.
These duplicate cards can now be used to buy a fortune and also withdraw money from ATMs.
What else can make a man happy who was fighting to bring down his weight for past 6 months? At last after a series and serious of efforts “I AM ON DIET” . What I mean by that ?… Doing more exercise, Intake of low fat food and consuming more water… is that all ? .
Started this morning with Black Tea, Lime and some Honey. I remember when some one used to ask me whether I am a vegetarian or a non-vegetarian? I answered them “strictly Non-vegetarian”. But now I am an eggetarian (only egg).
3 idili’s with two eggs without yolk and some fruits is my breakfast at 9 AM. Cup of rice with 100gms of vegetables occupy my lunch at 1 PM . Orange juice with some biscuits in the evening. At last, end the day with two chapattis. That’s sounds great. I need to stick on this for some time.
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