Funny One Liners...:)

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilarious, friendly...well enough about ME! How are you?
Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Your so boring, if you threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back to you!
Be nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette migh be their last.
I know why I am single, my parents-in-law were not able to have kids.As I said before, I never repeat myself.
If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly are the others here for?