"We will do it"
means
" You will do it"

"You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"

"We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"

"Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
means
"Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !".

"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

"There was a slight miscommunication"
means
"We had actually lied"

"Lets call a meeting and discuss"
means
"I have no time now, will talk later"

"We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"

"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

"We had slight differences of opinion"
means
"We had actually fought"

"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

"You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

"We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"

"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected"
means
"Well you know..."

"We are a team"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"

"That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"

"All the Best"
means
" You are in trouble"

Song : Jiya Dhadak Dhadak
Movie : Kalyug (2005)
Singer : Rahat Fateh Ali Khan

Tuje Dekh Dekh Sona...
Tuje Dekh Dekh Jagan...
Maine Ye Zindagani, Sang Tere Beetani,
Tujme Basi He Meri Jaan Haaye,
(Jiya Dhadak Dhadak (3) Jaye) (2)

Kabse He Dil Me Mere Armaan Kai Ankahe
Inko Tu Sunle Aaja, Chahat Ke Rang Chadha Ja
Kehna Kabhi To Mera Maan Haaye,
(Jiya Dhadak Dhadak (3) Jaye) (2)

Lagta He Ye Kyu Muje, Sadiyo Se Chahu Tuje,
Mere Sapno Me Aake, Apna Mujko Banake,
Mujpe Tu Kar Ehsaan Haaye,
(Jiya Dhadak Dhadak (3) Jaye) (2)

Tuje Dekh Dekh Sona...
Tuje Dekh Dekh Jagan...
Maine Ye Zindagani, Sang Tere Beetani,
Tujme Basi He Meri Jaan Haaye,
(Jiya Dhadak Dhadak (3) Jaye) (2)

Song : Kasak uthi mere man me
Movie : Choodon Na Yaar (2007)
Singer : Anand Raj Anand

Kasak uthi mere man me, Piya mujhe gale laga le (2)
Kasak uthi mere man me, Piya mujhe gale laga le ..he..
Gale Laga le, Jiya dhadka le, Sapano ko apne saja le .. saja le..
Kasak uthi mere man me, Piya mujhe gale laga le

Piya Piya O re Piya, Piya O re Piya ..

Tu meri zindagi, jaha, tu mera man waha,
Duniya se kya waasta, tu hi mera sara jahan
Ankon me chhupa le, dil me basa le (2)
Ankon me chhupa le, dil me basa le ... Seene se apne laga le ... laga le
Kasak uthi mere man me, Piya mujhe gale laga le

Piya Piya O re Piya, Piya O re Piya ..

Bebasi ka gumaan tere sang manjoor he,
Apna tujhe maan kar dil mera magroor he,
Armaan sare, tujhpe he waare (2)
Armaan sare, tujhpe he waare, Khud ko kiya tere hawale... hawale

Kasak uthi mere man me, Piya mujhe gale laga le (3)
Gale Laga le, Jiya dhadkale, Sapano ko apne saja le .. saja le..

Kasak uthi mere man me, Piya mujhe gale laga le

One of d heart-touchy song, iam tempting to listen these days...

do anjaane ajnabi chale bandhane bandhan
haay re dil mein hai ye uljhan
milkar kyaa bole kyaa bole kyaa bole re milakar kyaa bole
nayi umamg nayi khushi mehak uthaa hai aangan
haay re ghar aaye man bhaavan
milkar kyaa bole kyaa bole kyaa bole re milkar kyaa bole

baichaini betaabi aaj mujhe ye kaisi
aaj hai jo peheli na thi dil ki haalat aisi
ankhon ko usika intajar hai
unhike liye ye roop shrigaar hai
dekhi hai taszir hi aaj milenge darshan
haay re badh ne lagi hai ulzan
milkar kyaa bole kyaa bole kyaa bole re milkar kyaa bole

roop ki raani aayi hai jaise gaganse utarake
mere liye kyaa mere liye aise sajake savarake
sabse chupaake idhar udhar se mujhako hi dekhe chor najarase
baat labon par hai ruki tejh dilon ki dhadakan
haay re kal ke sajani saajan
milkar kyaa bole kyaa bole kyaa bole re milkar kyaa bole

There is a beautiful and convincing explanation given by the Chinese.....

Thumb represents your Parents
Second (Index) finger represents your Siblings
Middle finger represents your-Self
Fourth (Ring) finger represents your Life Partner
& the Last (Little) finger represents your children

Firstly, open your palms (face to face), bend the middle fingers and hold them together - back to back
Secondly, open and hold the remaining three fingers and the thumb - tip to tip
(As shown in the figure below):

Now, try to separate your thumbs (representing the parents)..., they will open, because your parents are not destined to live with you lifelong, and have to leave you sooner or later.
Please join your thumbs as before and separate your Index fingers (representing siblings)...., they will also open, because your brothers and sisters will have their own families and will have to lead their own separate lives.

Now join the Index fingers and separate your Little fingers (representing your children)...., they will open too, because the children also will get married and settle down on their own some day.

Finally, join your Little fingers, and try to separate your Ring fingers (representing your spouse).
You will be surprised to see that you just CANNOT....., because Husband & Wife have to remain together all their lives - through thick and thin!

Vas just passing thru netapp workplace whiteboard whr dis piece of info left an impression on me, so vished to share vth u guys..


"Before you criticize someone,
walk a mile in his shoes.
That way, if he gets angry,
he'll be a mile away--and barefoot."

-- Sarah Jackson














A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. Said he:"The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause.

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink.

He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
The wife went wan with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"

Moral of the story:
Don't copy if you can't paste!

E sanje yakagidhey
neenniladey e sanje yakagidhey
e santhey sakagidhey ..........


ಆ ಆ ಆ...ಆ ಆ ಆ...
ಈ ಸಂಜೆ ಯಾಕಾಗಿದೆ ನೀನಿಲ್ಲದೆಈ ಸಂಜೆ ಯಾಕಾಗಿದೆ..//೧//ಈ ಸಂತೆ ಸಾಕಾಗಿದೆ ನೀನಿಲ್ಲದೆಈ ಸಂತೆ ಸಾಕಾಗಿದೆ..ಏಕಾಂತವೇ ಆಲಾಪವೂ ಏಕಾಂಗಿಯಾ ಸಲ್ಲಾಪವೂಈ ಮೌನ ಬಿಸಿಯಾಗಿದೆ ಓ...ಈ ಮೌನ ಬಿಸಿಯಾಗಿದೆ // ಈ ಸಂಜೆ..//
ಲಾ ಲಾ ಲ ಲ ಲಾ ಲ ಲಾ ಲಾ....
ಈ ನೋವಿಗೆ ಕಿಡೀ ಸೋಕಿಸಿ ಮಜ ನೋಡಿವೇ ತಾರಾಗಣತಂಗಾಳಿಯ ಪಿಸುಮಾತಿಗೆ ಯುಗವಾಗಿದೇ ನನ್ನಾ ಕ್ಷಣಾನೆನಪೆಲ್ಲವೂ ಹೂವಾಗಿದೆ ಮೈ ಎಲ್ಲವೂ ಮುಳ್ಳಾಗಿದೆಈ ಜೀವ ಕಸಿಯಾಗಿದೇ..ಈ ಜೀವ ಕಸಿಯಾಗಿದೇ ..// ಈ ಸಂಜೆ..//
ಆ ಆ ಆ...ಆ ಆ ಆ..
ನೀನಿಲ್ಲದೇ ಆ ಚಂದಿರಾ ಈ ಕಣ್ಣಲೀ ಕಸವಾಗಿದೇಅದನೂದುವಾ ಉಸಿರಿಲ್ಲದೇ ಬೆಳದಿಂಗಳು ಅಸುನೀಗಿದೇಆಕಾಶದೀ ಕಲೆಯಾಗಿದೇ ಈ ಸಂಜೆಯಾ ಕೊಲೆಯಾಗಿದೇಈ ಗಾಯ ಹಸಿಯಾಗಿದೇ...ಈ ಗಾಯ ಹಸಿಯಾಗಿದೇ ..// ಈ ಸಂಜೆ.. //

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increment, no commendation. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager. His manager looked at him, smiled and asked him to sit down saying:"My friend you have not worked here for even a single day." The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager: How many days are there in a year?
Man: 365 days and sometimes 366.
Manager: How many hours make up a day?
Man: 24 Hours.
Manager: How long do u work in a day?
Man: 10am to 6pm i.e 8 hours a day.
Manager: So, what fraction of the day do u work in hours?
Man: He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 i.e 1/3 (one third).
Manager: This is nice of u! what is 1/3rd of 366 days?
Man: 122(1/3 x 366=122 in days)
Manager: Do u come to work on weekends?
Man: No sir.
Manager: How many days r there in a year that r weekends?
Man: 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days.
Manager: Thanks for that. If u remove 104 days from 122 days. how many days do u now have?
Man: 18 days.
Manager: I do give u 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do u have remaining?
Man: 4 days.
Manager: Do u work on Republic Day?
Man: No sir!
Manager: Do u come to work on Independence Day?
Man: No sir!
Manager: So how many days r left?
Man: 2 days Sir!
Manager: Do u come to work on New Years Day?
Man: No sir!
Manager: So how many days r left?
Man: 1 day sir!
Manager: Do u work on Christmas Day?
Man: No Sir!
Manager: So how many days r left?
Man: None Sir!
Manager: So what r u claiming?
Man: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR - HIGH RISK.

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back. But the rule is: - you can go through them only once & cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one... but may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him. Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he starts to realise that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he knew he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted. So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand. The teacher told him, "...this is love... you keep looking for better ones, but when later you realise, you have already missed the person...."*

"What is marriage then?" the student asked.

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium sized corn that he felt satisfied, and came back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... this is marriage."

Q. How will you call an Applet from a Java Script?
A. I will give invitation Card.

Q. What is JVM ?
A. Jilebi, Vada & Maaza

Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will
have 3 tyres.

Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server ? Which
methodology will follow ?
A. Send it through courier.

Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA ?
A. As you wish , I do not have any objections.

Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
A. Non living things can't communicate.

Q. What is meant by flickering ?
A. Closing and opening of eyes at girls.

Q. Explain RMI Architecture?
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.

Q. What is the use of Servlets ?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.

Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads ?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for
process.

Q. When is update method called ?
A. Who is update method?

Q. What is JAR file ?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.

Q. What is JINI ?
A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.

Q. How you can know about drivers and database information ?
A. I will go and enquire in the bus depot.

Q. What is serialization ?
A. Arranging one after the other from left to right.

Q. What is bean ? Where it can be used ?
A. A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.

Q. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?
A. When we sow a binary seed , a binary tree will grow.

Q. What is the exact difference between Unicast and Multicast object ?
A. If in a society, if there is only one caste, then it is Unicast,
else it is multicast

When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough

When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,

When I do something without being told,
I am trying to
be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,

When I make a mistake,
you're an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.

When I am out of the office,
I am wandering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
he's on business.

When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.

When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an
interview
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's
overworked

When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets

Have you seen recent advertisement of M/S SAINT GOBAIN GLASSES shown in
TELEVISION'S - Then you must have known about 2 Way mirror)

How to determine if a mirror is 2 way or not ? (Not a Joke!)
Not to scare you, but to make sure that you aware. Many of the Hotels
and Textile showrooms cheat the customers this way.

HOW TO DETECT A 2-WAY MIRROR?
When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms, etc.,
How many of you know for sure that the seemingly ordinary mirror
hanging on the wall is a real mirror, or actually a 2-way mirror I.e.,
they can
see you, but you can't see them. There have been many cases of people
installing 2-way mirrors in female changing rooms or bathroom or
bedrooms.
It is very difficult to positively identify the surface by just looking
at it. So, how do we determine with any amount of certainty what type of
mirror we are looking at?

CONDUCT THIS SIMPLE TEST:
Place the tip of your fingernail against the reflective surface and if
there is a GAP between your fingernail and the image of the nail,
then it is a GENUINE mirror.

However, if your fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image of your nail,
then BEWARE, IT IS A 2-WAY MIRROR! (There may be someone seeing you
from the other side). So remember, every time you see a mirror, do
the "fingernail test." It doesn't cost you anything. It is simple to do.

This is a really good thing to do. The reason there is a gap on a real
mirror, is because the silver is on the back of the mirror UNDER the
glass.
Whereas with a two-way mirror, the silver is on the surface. Keep it in
mind! Make sure and check every time you enter in hotel rooms.

Ladies:
Share this with your friends.

Men:
Share this with your sisters, wives, daughters, friends, colleagues,
etc.

Pass this message to all Ur friends.

Dec 31st '07 long weekend, planned for tour to death valley, loss(los)Vegas and Grand Canyon.

Anyway, Grand Canyon is amazing indeed.
And did you know, there are many points on the Grand Canyon that are named "Vishnu Schist (the lowest strata of the canyon almost 1.5 billion years old)", "Brahma temple", "Shiva temple", "Rama Shrine" etc. Wonder how they got those names??

Googled and here's d info :

"Carved by nature devas into the Canyon's breathtaking buttes were "Shiva," "Vishnu" and "Brahma" temples, along with a "Vishnu Schist" and a "Hindu Amphitheatre." Going to the Canyon is a pilgrimage across immense stretches of time and rapturous landscape unlike any other on the planet. It's a geological phenomenon that reduces your physical body importance to zero while stretching your psychic awareness to God-like infinity. Every Hindu should pilgrimage to this fantastic nature temple. And indeed many do."




It is yet-another-rainy day here in Sunnyvale. Not even remotely my definition of good weather. And especially not so when we have had plenty of them rainy days since December. I acknowledge the power of the clouds and the wind that can so efficiently transform a bright, sunny day into a gloomy, rainy day.

Leaving behind my perspective of rainy weather, I begin to wonder where the rhyme "Rain, rain, go away" originated.

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
Little Johnny wants to play,
Rain, rain, go to Spain,
Never show your face again!


According to this link that I chanced upon in my search for an answer, the rhyme originated way back in the late 1500s. And the rivalry between England & Spain during that period, explains why the rhyme implores the rain to go to Spain. Talking of rain & Spain draws back from my memory, the famous dialogue from 'My Fair Lady' - "The rain in Spain, stays mainly in the plains".

While on the train of thoughts revolving around verses on rain that one has known since childhood. Having dwelt upon sweet childhood verses, how could I ever complain about the rains that brought me to them today!

Chck d lnk..

http://www.flickr.com/photos/lalagirl/2113662657/

Laloo

One day Laloo was traveling by his car.


He was going to a village for campaigning. Suddenly a piglet came before
the car. The driver couldn't hit the brake at the right time and
unfortunately the baby pig was killed in the accident.

At the sight Laloo was deeply moved and felt very upset. He called the
driver and said,"Jiska e suuar hai hum usko compensesan dena chahta hoon.
Usko dhundke lao".


At his words the driver went to the nearest village and came back after
some time with a tilak on his forehead, garlands around his neck and lots
of money in his hands!!!


Laloo was surprised. He asked,"Hum tumko kaha tha ke uss aadmi ko laiye,
aur tum aise wapas aaye ho! Baat kya hai?


At this the driver replied " I told them about the incident. Hearing it
they were rejoiced, put tilak and garlands on me, then danced for some time
and gave this money."


Laloo then asked him "Aap unko eg-jectly kaa bola?"
The driver replied:
"Main bola, mein Laloo Prasad Yadav ka driver hoon,
maine suaar ke bachhe ko mar dala hai......... ."





Divorce: Indian Style


After 48 years of marriage, an elderly man in Bombay calls his son in New
York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that
your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of misery is enough!"


"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.


"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call
your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!"


Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck
they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."


She calls Bombay immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are not
getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my
brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a
thing, DO YOU HEAR??" and she hangs up.


The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says,
"It's all set. They're both coming for Diwali and paying their own
airfare!!"

SMS2.0 launched by AIRTEL

Chck dis :

Airtel becomes First to Offer SMS20

Aisa bhi nahin hai ke I don't like your face.
Par dil ke storage mein no more disk space...
---------------------------------------------------------------
Ghar se jab tum nikale pehen ke reshmi gown.
Jaane kitne dilon ka ho gaya server down...
---------------------------------------------------------------
Jabse meri zindagi mein, aayi hai ik female.
Bhool gaya hai sab kuchh kya mailbox, kya e-mail...
---------------------------------------------------------------
Dil se ek ishq ki application create kar raha hoon.
Pyaar se debug karna mein wait kar raha hoon...
---------------------------------------------------------------
Kal jab mile thhe to dil mein hua ek sound.
Aur aaj mile to kehte hain your file not found!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Jo muddat se hota aaya hai, woh repeat kar doonga...
Tu naa mili to apni zindagi ctrl+alt+delete kar doonga...
---------------------------------------------------------------
Shayad mere pyar ko taste karna bhool gaye...
Dil sey aisa cut kiya ke paste karna bhool gaye...
---------------------------------------------------------------
Laakhon honge nigaah mein kabhi mujhe bhi pick karo...
Mere pyaar ke icon pe kabhi to double-click karo...
---------------------------------------------------------------
Roz subha hum karte hain pyar se unhe good morning...
Woh aise ghoor ke dekte hain jaise 0 errors aur 5 warning...
---------------------------------------------------------------
Nazar mein to kai hain aur shaayad lonely hain...
Problem yehi hai ki voh ab read only hain...
---------------------------------------------------------------
Tumhaare intezaar mein neend aayee so gaya.
Yeh dekho mera connection time out ho gaya...

After watching the test match, someone has written some rules have to be incorporated by ICC to give the other teams a perfect clarification

(1) Ricky Ponting – (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE CRICKET ERA AND WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED ) should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. This rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the importance of the FOURTH UMPIRE .

(2) While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, If the ball flies anywhere close to the AUSTRALIAN FIELDER(WITHIN 5 metre distance), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrelevant of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grassed. Any decision for further clarification should be seeked from the FOURTH UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that the cricket is played with SPORTIVE SPIRIT by all the teams.

(3) While BATTING, AUSTRALIAN players will wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE decisions only (even if the catch goes to the FIFTH SLIP as the ball might not have touched the bat). Each AUSTRALIAN batsman has to be out FOUR TIMES (minimum) before he can return to the pavilion. In case of THE CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY, this can be higher.

(4) UMPIRES should consider a huge bonus if an AUSTRALIAN player scores a century. Any wrong decisions can be ignored as they will be paid huge bonus and will receive the backing of the AUSTRALIAN team and board.

(5) All AUSTRALIAN players are eligible to keep commenting about all players on the field and the OPPONENT TEAM should never comment as they will be spoiling the spirit of the AUSTRALIAN team. Any comments made in any other language are to be considered as RACIALISM only.

(6) MATCH REFREE decisions will be taken purely on the AUSTRALIAN TEAM advices only. Player views from the other teams decisions will not be considered for hearing. MATCH REFREES are to be given huge bonus if this rule is implemented.

(7) NO VISITING TEAM should plan to win in AUSTRALIA. This is to ensure that the sportive spirit of CRICKET is maintained.

(8) THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE : If any bowler gets RICKY PONTING - "THE UNDISPUTED CRICKETER WITH INTEGTIRY IN THE GAME OF CRICKET" more than twice in a series, he will be banned for the REST OF THE SERIES. This is to ensure that the best batsman/Captain will be played to break records and create history in the game of CRICKET .


These rules will clarify better to the all the teams VISITING AUSTRALIA .

Husband makes a Call to Hospital to enquire about his pregnant wife.
*But accidently the call went to a cricket stadium having Test Match *

He asked what is the condition.

*He died after what he heard. *
"
"
"
Guess What would be the reply ....
"

"
"
"
"
"
It is ... ...................

""
"
"

"
7 ARE ALREADY OUT

3 MORE WILL BE OUT HOPEFULLY BY LUNCH

AND.......................

"

"
"
THE FIRST ONE WAS DUCK!!!!!!!

Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 20th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an
uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.
However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, "Mona, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?"

"No, sweetheart," she responds.

Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?"

"Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says.

"One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the auto loan to them too this month?" he asks.

"Oh, forgive me, Rajiv," begged Mona. "I didn't send that one, either."

Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 20 years. Mona pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you hug me?"

Rajiv answers, "Don't worry darling they'll find us!!!!"

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that youcan die Rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic : Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc .: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead

Please read this carefully. And enjoy, But do not laugh until you completed the below conversation.
Love:

Boy: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: NO! Don't even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course! Over and over!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: NO! Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get!
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling!

After marriage - - - Simply read from bottom to top

How to recognize most Indians? Wicked, this one is!

1. Everything you eat is savoured in garlic, onion and tomatoes.

2.. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.

3. You are Always standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.

4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.

5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.

6. You recycle Wedding Gifts, Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts.

7. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam, Kamini & Shamini.)

8. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere closeto their real names.

9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No Food Allowed" .

10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

11. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.

12. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it'sthe remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.

13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other"Uncles and Aunties" will think.

14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used, as it is forspecial occasions, which never happen.

15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.

16. You use grocery bagsto hold garbage.

17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.

18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls andplastic utensils (got free with purchase of other stuff )

19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (andtravel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).

20. You own a rice cookeror a pressure cooker.

21. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it that way).

23. You don't use measuring cupswhen cooking.

24. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.

25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are travelling by bus, train orplane.

26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud tospread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.

27. Your wedding gifts are mostly in cash with a one rupee coin added to the note in a cover.

28. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle orAunty.

30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes,you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.

31. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreigncountries have improved in the last two decades, and still screamat thetop of their lungs when making foreign calls.

32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them fromgetting dirty.

33. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.

34. All your Tupperware is stained with food colour.

35. You have drinking glasses made of steel.

36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.

A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his
girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is
just too great. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to
you.

Love, Becky


The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any
snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.

In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures
of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos
in that envelope along with this note:

Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.
Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care,
Ricky

Someday when my children are old enough to
understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will
tell them, as my Mean Mum told me: I loved you
enough . . . to ask where you were going, with whom,
and what time you would be home.

I loved you enough to be silent and let you
discover that your new best friend was a creep.

I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours
while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.

I loved you enough to let you see anger,
disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must
learn that their parents aren't perfect.

I loved you enough to let you assume the
responsibility for your actions even when the
penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

But most of all, I loved you enough . . . to say
NO when I knew you would hate me for it.

Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm
glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.
And someday when your children are old enough to
understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.

Was your Mum mean? I know mine was. We had the
meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids
ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.

When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches.

And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was
different from what other kids had, too.

Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all
times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She
had to know who our friends were, and what we were
doing with them. She insisted that if we said we
would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.

We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve
to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work We
had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to
cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash
and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie
awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.

She always insisted on us telling the truth, the
whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time
we were teenagers, she could read our minds and had
eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really tough!

Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn
when they drove up. They had to come up to the door
so she could meet them. While everyone else could
date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16.

Because of our mother we missed out on lots of
things other kids experienced. None of us have ever
been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's
property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault.

Now that we have left home, we are all educated,
honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean
parents just like Mum was.

I think that is what's wrong with the world today.
It just does! n't have enough mean mums!

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first,Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10,Sir. The total is $49.99"
Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."
Customer: " What!"
Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,... registration number 1123..."
Customer: " ????"
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "
Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^
Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"
Customer: [Faints]

Please forward to all your friends as well.
EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ ALL OF THIS and HAVE YOUR CHILDREN READ IT TOO!

After tossing her books on the sofa, she decided to grab a snack and get on-line.
She logged on under her screen name ByAngel213.
She checked her Buddy List and saw GoTo123 was on.
She sent him an instant message:

ByAngel213: Hi. I'm glad you are on! I thought someone was following me home today. It was really weird!
GoTo123: LOL You watch too much TV. Why would someone be following you? Don't you live in a safe neighborhood?
ByAngel213: Of course I do. LOL I guess it was my imagination cuz' I didn't see anybody when I looked out.
GoTo123: Unless you gave your name out on-line. You haven't done that have you?
ByAngel213: Of course not. I'm not stupid you know.

GoTo123: Did you have a softball game after school today?
ByAngel213: Yes and we won!!
GoTo123: That's great! Who did you play?
ByAngel213: We played the Hornets. LOL. Their uniforms are so gross! They look like bees. LOL
GoTo123: What is your team called?
ByAngel213: We are the Canton Cats. We have tiger paws on our uniforms. They are really cool.
GoTo123: Did you pitch?
ByAngel213: No I play second base. I got to go. My homework has to be done before my parents get home. I don't want them mad at me. Bye!
GoTo123: Catch you later. Bye

Meanwhile...... GoTo123 went to the member menu and began to search for her profile. When it came up, he highlighted it and printed it out. He took out a pen and began to write down what he knew about Angel so far.
Her name: Shannon
Birthday: Jan. 3, 1985
Age: 13
State: North Carolina
Hobbies: softball, chorus, skating and going to the mall.

Besides this information, he knew she lived in Canton because she had just told him. He knew she stayed by herself until 6:30 p.m. every afternoon until her parents came home from work. He knew she played softball on Thursday afternoons on the school team, and the team was named the Canton Cats. Her favorite number 7 was printed on her jersey. He knew she was in the eighth grade at the Canton Junior High School. She had told him all this in the conversations they had on- line. He had enough information to find her now.

Shannon didn't tell her parents about the incident on the way home from the ballpark that day. She didn't want them to make a scene and stop her from walking home from the softball games. Parents were always overreacting and hers were the worst. It made her wish she was not an only child. Maybe if she had brothers and sisters, her parents wouldn't be so overprotective.

By Thursday, Shannon had forgotten about the footsteps following her.
Her game was in full swing when suddenly she felt someone staring at her. It was then that the memory came back. She glanced up from her second base position to see a man watching her closely.
He was leaning against the fence behind first base and he smiled when she looked at him. He didn't look scary and she quickly dismissed the sudden fear she had felt.
After the game, he sat on a bleacher while she talked to the coach. She noticed his smile once again as she walked past him. He nodded and she smiled back. He noticed her name on the back of her shirt. He knew he had found her.
Quietly, he walked a safe distance behind her. It was only a few blocks to Shannon’s home, and once he saw where she lived he quickly returned to the park to get his car.
Now he had to wait. He decided to get a bite to eat until the time came to go to Shannon’s house. He drove to a fast food restaurant and sat there until time to make his move.

Shannon was in her room later that evening when she heard voices in the living room.
”Shannon, come here," her father called. He sounded upset and she couldn't imagine why. She went into the room to see the man from the ballpark sitting on the sofa.
"Sit down," her father began, "this man has just told us a most interesting story about you."
Shannon sat back. How could he tell her parents anything? She had never seen him before today!
"Do you know who I am, Shannon?" the man asked.
"No," Shannon answered.
"I am a police officer and your online friend, GoTo123."
Shannon was stunned. "That's impossible! Go To is a kid my age! He's 14.
And he lives in Michigan!"
The man smiled. "I know I told you all that, but it wasn't true. You see, Shannon, there are people on-line who pretend to be kids; I was one of them. But while others do it to injure kids and hurt them, I belong to a group of parents who do it to protect kids from predators. I came here to find you to teach you how dangerous it is to talk to people on-line. You told me enough about yourself to make it easy for me to find you. You name the school you went to, the name of your ball team and the position you played. The number and name on your jersey just made finding you a breeze."
Shannon was stunned. "You mean you don't live in Michigan?"
He laughed. "No, I live in Raleigh. It made you feel safe to think I was so far away, didn't it?"
She nodded.
"I had a friend whose daughter was like you. Only she wasn't as lucky. The guy found her and murdered her while she was home alone. Kids are taught not to tell anyone when they are alone, yet they do it all the time on-line. The wrong people trick you into giving out information a little here and there on-line. Before you know it, you have told them enough for them to find you without even realizing you have done it. I hope you've learned a lesson from this and won't do it again. Tell others about this so they will be safe too?"
"It's a promise!"
That night Shannon and her Dad and Mom all knelt down together and thanked God for protecting Shannon from what could have been a tragic situation.

A successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business. Instead of choosing one of his directors or his children, he decided to do something different.
He called all the young executives in his company together.
"It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO," he said. "I have decided to choose one of you."

The young executives were shocked, but the boss continued. "I am going to give each one of you a seed today - a very special seed. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO."

One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed.

He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed.
Every day, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew.
Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure.

Six months went by - still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however. He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil - he so wanted the seed to grow.
A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection. Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened.
Jim felt sick at his stomach. It was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right.

He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful--in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed. A few felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives. Jim just tried to hide in the back.
"My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown," said the CEO.
"Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!"
All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the financial director to bring him to the front.
Jim was terrified. He thought, "The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!"
When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed. Jim told him the story.
The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Here is your next Chief Executive! His name is Jim!"

Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed. How could he be the new CEO the others said?
Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead - it was not possible for them to grow. All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers.
When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive!"

If you plant honesty, you will reap trust
If you plant goodness, you will reap friends.
If you plant humility, you will reap greatness.
If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment
If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective.
If you plant hard work, you will reap success.
If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation
So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap later.

ye daulat bhii le lo, ye shoharat bhii le lo
bhale chhiin lo mujhase merii javaanii
magar mujhako lautaa do bachapan kaa saavan
vo kaagaz kii kashtii, vo baarish kaa paanii

muhalle kii sabase nishaanii puraanii
vo budhiyaa jise bachche kahate the naanii
vo naanii kii baaton mein pariyon kaa deraa
vo chahare kii jhuriryon mein sadiyon kaa pheraa
bhulaae nahiin bhuul sakataa hai koi
vo chhotii sii raaten vo lambii kahaanii

kadii dhuup mein apane ghar se nikalanaa
vo chidiyaa vo bulabul vo titalii pakadanaa
vo gudiyaa kii shaadii mein ladanaa jhagadanaa
vo jhuulon se giranaa vo gir ke sambhalanaa
vo piital ke chhallon ke pyaare se tohafe
vo tuutii hui chuudiyon kii nishaanii

kabhii ret ke unche tiilon pe jaanaa
gharaunde banaanaa banaake mitaanaa
vo maasuum chahat kii tasviir apanii
vo kvaabon khilaunon kii jaagiir apanii
na duniyaa kaa gam thaa na rishton ke bandhan
badii khuubasuurat thii vo zindagaanii

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
--Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
--Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. --Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
--Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?
--Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
--Anonymous
'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
--Henny Youngman

'I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.'
--Sam Kinison

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It' s called marriage.'
--James Holt McGavran

'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
--Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
--Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
--Anonymous

You know what I did before I marrie! d? Anything I wanted to.
--Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
--Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
--Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
--Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
--Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still! alive.'
--Anonymous




If you were falling, then I would catch you.
You need a light, I'd find a match.

Cuz I love the way you say good morning.
And you take me the way I am.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.

Cuz I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine if you start losing all your hair.
Sew on patches to all you tear.

Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise.
And you take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.

Yeh Hosla Kaise Jhuke,
Yeh Aarzoo Kaise Ruke

Manzil Mushkil To Kya,
Dhundla Sahil To Kya,
Tanha Ye Dil To Kya

Raah Pe Kante Bikhre Agar,
Uspe To Phir Bhi Chalna Hi Hai,
Shaam Chhupale Suraj Magar,
Raat Ko Ek Din Dhalana Hi Hai,

Rut Ye Tal Jayegi,
Himmat Rang Layegi,
Subha Phir Aayegi

Yeh Hosla Kaise Juke,
Yeh Aarzoo Kaise Ruke

Hogi Hame To Rehmat Ada,
Dhup Kategi Saaye Tale,
Apni Khuda Se Hai Ye Dua,
Manzil Lagale Humko Gale

Zurrat So Baar Rahe,
Uncha Ikraar Rahe,
Zinda Har Pyar Rahe

Yeh Hosla Kaise Jhuke,
Yeh Aarzoo Kaise Ruke

"Boys use the word friendship to start LOVE; Girls use the same word to end LOVE!
Same word but different attitude, this OOPS concept is called as POLYMORPHISM"

1. Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.
2- Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
3- Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

Now, watch this .....

If they are counting the bricks. Put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them.. Put them in auditing.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks...Put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order...Put them in planning.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other...Put them in operations.

If they are sleeping...Put them in security.

If they have broken the bricks into pieces...Put them in information technology.

If they are sitting idle...Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved... Put them in sales.

If they have already left for the day...Put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the window...Put them on strategic planning.

And then last but not least...If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved...Congratulate them and put them in Top management.