Ae zindagi yeh lamha jee lene de
Oh, pehle se likha kuch bhi nahin
Roz naya kuch likhti hai tu
Jo bhi likha hai, dil se jiya hai
Yeh lamha filhaal jee lene de - 2
Maasoom si hasi, bevaja hi kabhi
Honton pe khil jaati hai
Anjaan si khushi baheti hui kabhi
Saahil pe mil jaati hai
Yeh anjaana sa darr ajnabi hai magar
Khoobsurat hai jee lene de
Yeh lamha filhaal jee lene de - 2
Dil hi mein rehta hai, aankhon mein baheta hai
Kaccha sa ek khwaab hai
Lagta sawaal hai, shaayad jawaab hai
Dil phir bhi betaab hai
Yeh sukun hai to hai, yeh junoon hai to hai
Khoobsurat hai jee lene de
Yeh lamha filhaal jee lene de ...
Oh, pehle se likha kuch bhi nahin
Roz naya kuch, oh likhti hai tu
Jo bhi likha hai, dil se jiya hai
Yeh lamha filhaal jee lene de ...

"Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five
balls in the air. You name them - work, family, health,
friends and spirit and you're keeping all of these in the
air.

You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball.

If you drop it, it will bounce back.

But the other four Balls - family, health, friends and
spirit - are made of glass. If you drop one of these; they
will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even
shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand
that and strive for Balance in your life."

Today was a shitty day anyways...A creep upset me too much. I could not concentrate until I was playing the Maria song loudly thru my Griffin plugs into my ears...

Here are two lessons for you to learn...

CORPORATE LESSON # 1
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout What you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!!........."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Mind your language, you never Know what it will land you in.
CORPORATE LESSON # 2
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly, Sir" said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything

When it comes to personal affairs, actions always speak louder than words. If you're not calling this person back, there's a reason. Be honest with yourself. If it's not working out, cut them loose ASAP.
Someone from your past wants reentry into your life. You can extend an invitation if you like -- but delve into your memory first. Is there a reason why you two had a rift in the past? If so, you might want to stay firm.

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.

It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer ........rrrrrip.

The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it.She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she shits on you!"

Many years ago in a small village, a farmer had the misfortune
of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender.

The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful
daughter. So he proposed a bargain.

He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his daughter.
Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. So the
cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the
matter. He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble
into an empty money bag. Then the girl would have to pick one pebble
from the bag.

- If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven.
- If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven.
- But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.


They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As
they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he
picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two
black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick
a pebble from the bag.

Now, imagine that you were standing in the field.
What would you have done if you were the girl?
If you had to advise her, what would you have told her?


Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:

- The girl should refuse to take a pebble.
- The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the money-lender as a cheat.
- The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with
the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral
and logical thinking. The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with traditional
logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses the above
logical answers.

What would you recommend to the Girl to do?


Well, here is what she did ....


The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without
looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where
it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag
for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked." Since
the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the
white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his dishonesty, the
girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely
advantageous one.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Most complex problems do have a solution. It is only that we don't attempt to think.

One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the
class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $20 to the child who can tell me
who was the most famous man who ever lived."

An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St.Patrick." The teacher
said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct.

?Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew."
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.

Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, It was Jesus Christ."

The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jignesh, come up here and
I?ll give you the $20."
As the teacher was giving Jignesh his money, she said, "You know Jignesh,since you're Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."

Jignesh replied, ?Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business
is business!"

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a
tree on the banks of a river.
He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market. One day, while he was working, his machine
tumbled off the table and fell in the river.
Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), he started praying to the River
Goddess.
The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her
that he had lost his computer in the river. As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match
box and asked, "Is this your computer?"
Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No. " She next showed him a
pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!" Finally, she came up
with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes. " The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was
about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that
you 're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid idiot! The first two things I showed you were
the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM!" So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it is better not to open mouth.

Do you keep falling asleep at meetings and seminars? What about those
long boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all that:


1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar or conference call,
prepare for the meeting by drawing a square -- 5"X5" is a good size.

2. Divide the square into columns -- five across and five down. That
will give you 25 one-inch blocks.

3. In each block, write one of the following words/phrases:

synergy
strategic fit
core competencies
best practice
bottom line
revisit
take that off-line
24/7
out of the loop
benchmark
value added
proactive
win-win
think outside the box
fast track
result-driven
empower(ment)
knowledge base
at the end of the day
touch base
mindset
client focus(ed)
ballpark
game plan
leverage


4. Whenever you hear any one of those words/phrases, check off the
appropriate block.

5. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically or diagonally,
stand up and shout BULLSHIT!"

Testimonials from satisfied "Bullshit Bingo" players:

"I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won."
-- Jack W ., Boston.

"My attention span at meetings has improved drastically."
-- David D., Miami

"What a gas! Meetings will never be the same for me after my first win."
-- Sue S., NYC

"The atmosphere was tense in our last process meeting as 14 of us
waited for the fifth box." -- Joseph R., St. Louis

"The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed BULLSHIT!
for the third time in two hours." -- Kathleen L., Atlanta

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%


and


K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with nmathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

While visiting India , George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people. Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer
this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says Kalam.

He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President.
Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put Condoleeza Rice to the test.

Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condi, I wonder if you can answer
a question for me." "Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?" Bush poses the question:
"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees,
and Rice leaves. Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over
the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation,
Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.

"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims,
"I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, its Manmohan Singh!".

John works in a supermarket. A man came in and asked John for half a kilogram of butter. The boy told him they only sold 1 kg packets of butter, but the man was persistent. The boy said he'd go ask his manager what to do.
John walked into the back room and said,
"There's a bloody fellow out there who wants to buy only half a kilo of butter."
As he finished saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added,
"And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."

The manager finished the deal and later said to John,
"You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed
with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet, and I like it a lot.

Which place are you from?"

John replied, "I'm from Mexico , sir."

"Oh really? Why did you leave Mexico ?" asked the manager.

John replied, "They're all just prostitutes and soccer players up
there."

The manager's face became red.."My wife is from Mexico ," he said.

"Oh." John replied, "Which team did she play for?"

To make a woman happy ..... A man only needs to be:

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

1. Leave him alone

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything - cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steamed. Air Fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad t he smell was, he agreed on a
Price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she was to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched
the moving company pack everything to take to their new home....
...... ...... ...... ...... ...... .......including the curtain rods.
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?!!!

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different
hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do
they do here?" He told," First they put you in an electric chair for
an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He
checks
out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German
hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long
line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do
here?"
He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil
comes in and beats you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly
the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting
to get in?"

"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair
does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the
devil is a Software Engineer, so he comes in, signs the register and
then goes to the Cafeteria!!!!! !

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $200 to drop that towel."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $200 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $200 he owes me?"

Moral of the story : If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Lesson 2:

-----

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Lesson 3:

A sales rep., an admin clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

This ends the 3-minute management course....... Hope you get something out of it !!!

I had posted it earlier...but looks like you had not paid any heed to it :-P

WELCOME TO AIR INDIA! "Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain PATEL ( Boniface ) Welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board Air India We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery. This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village! Air India has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us It is with pleasure, I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our passengers have reached their destination If our engines are too noisy for you, on the passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary DHARU and Wada pavw. For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God! We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Emirates Airline, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin in only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark! Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase." ENJOY AIR INDIA

Different Phases of a man:

After engagement: Superman
After Marriage: Gentleman
After 10 years: Watchman
After 20 years: Doberman
------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called "Man, The Master of women"?
Sales girl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The world's thinnest book has only one word written in it: "Everything
"and the book is titled: "What Women Want!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A man who surrenders when he's NOT SURE, is WISE.
A man who surrenders when he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girlfriends r like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying &
the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What men want: A woman who can cook, a woman who earns good money, a
womanwho loves him & system to make sure that those 3 women never meet each
other!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lady 2 her maid: Oh Kanta, I have reason to suspect that my husband is
having an affair with his secretary."
Kanta : I don't believe it! U r just saying that 2 make me jealous!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man: I want a divorce. My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get!
-------------------------------------------------------
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother & said, "I've found
aman just like father!"
Mother replied, "So what do u want from me, sympathy?"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
Answer : On their Wedding !!

A little boy wanted Rs.500 very badly and prayed for weeks, But nothing happened.
Finally he decided to write a letter to GOD requesting the Rs.500 . When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to "God, India", they decided to forward it to the Finance Minister of India as a joke.
The Finance Minister was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.200.
The Finance Minister thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid. The little boy was delighted with Rs.200, and decided to write a thanking reply note to God, which read: "Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Finance Ministry in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.300 as taxes!"

I am a Right-Right!!

First, identify yourself as right or left brain person:
1. Hold your hands together, as if you were praying.
Look at your hands. If you see

Left thumb is below the right thumb ---> left brain
Right thumb is below the left thumb ---> right brain

2. Fold your arms in front of you (as if you are angry)

Right arm above left arm ---> left brain
Left arm above right arm ---> right brain

Based on 1+2 (order important), below is the interpretation of your personality:
Right-Left
Considerate, traditional, indirect type

can instinctly read other's emotion, and respond friendly by natures. Although not very into taking intiatives in moving forward, but this person will always take a step back in supporting others. Stable personality and considerate, give others a being protected feeling. But the weakness is they cannot say no; regardless how unwilling they are, they will take care of others.

Right-Right
Loves challenges
type

Straightfoward. Once they decided on one thing, will take action right away. Very curious, and love challenges. Dare to face dangers without thinking through (sometimes foolishly). Their weakness is they dont listen to others, will filter in only what whey want to hear in a conversation, and very subjective. However, because of their straightforward attitude, they tend to be fairly popular.

Left-Left
Dedicated, cold, perfectionist

Very logical in all aspects. The only way to defeat (or win over) him/her is through reasons. Has a lot of prides, and feeling strongly about doing the right thing. If they are your friends, they are very trustworthy. However, if they are your opponets, they will be very tough to deal with. Because they can be
very 'anal' as a perfectionist, they usually leave a bad impression of being hard to deal with when first met.

Left-Right
Likes to take care of others, leader type

Has a cool and keen observation ability to see through situations, yet still can be considerate in others needs. Because of their cool and calm nature, and strong sense of responsibility, they tend to become head of a group. Popular among people. However, they may not be able to help themselves in meddling because they want to take care of others too much. Very concerned about how others view them, and always on alert.

A giant ship engine failed. The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure how to fix the engine. Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since his young days.
He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.

Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag nd pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life.
He carefully put his hammer away.
The engine was fixed! A week later, the owners received a bill
from the old man for ten thousand dollars.

"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!" So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill." CAN YOU GUESS WHAT WAS THE BREAK DOWN?

The man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer. ............ . . $ 2.00
Knowing where to tap......... . $ 9, 998.00

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life makes all the difference.

Letters 'a', 'b', 'c' & 'd' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 99
(Letter 'd' comes for the first time in Hundred)

Letters 'a', 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999
(Letter 'a' comes for the first time in Thousand)

Letters 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999,999,999
(Letter 'b' comes for the first time in Billion)

And

Letter 'c' does not appear anywhere in the spellings of entire English Counting.

Firstly, we survived being born to mothers who had no full time maids/cooked food/cleaned the house while they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate cheese, sweet dishes and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking .
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a local bus/train was a special treat.
We drank water from the tap and NOT from a bottle.
We would spend hours on the terrace under bright sunlight flying our kites, without worrying about the UV effect which never ever effect us.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate pastries, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because...
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours repairing our out dated bicycle and scooter out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem .
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..!
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents .
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
We were never given BB guns for our 10th birthdays,
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!
Cricket League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! And YOU are one of them!
CONGRATULATIONS!

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $9.40 please,” she says and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “A hamburger, fries, and a coke.” The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.” Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again later in the week. “The usual?” asks the waitress. “No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad,” says the man. “Same,” says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $32.62.” Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”
“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and
the right amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!” “That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.

The waitress asks, “But what’s with the ostrich?” The man sighs and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say and God gave me this ostrich.

Moral of the story: - Be specific.... .. with what
you ask

An old Farmer lived on a farm in the mountains with his young grandson.
Each morning Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table reading his
Bhagavat Gita. His grandson wanted to be just like him and tried to
imitate him in every way he could.

One day the grandson asked, "Grandpa! I try to read the Bhagawat Geeta just
like you but I don't understand it, and what I do understand I forget as
soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Bhagawat Geeta do?"

The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and replied,
"Take this coal basket down to the river and bring me back a basket of
water."

The boy did as he was told, but all the water leaked out before he got back
to the house. The grandfather laughed and said, "You'll have to move a
little faster next time," and sent him back to the river with the basket
to try again.

This time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty before he
returned home. Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it was
impossible to carry water in a basket, and he went to get a bucket instead.
The old man said, "I don't want a bucket of water; I want a basket of
water. You're just not trying hard enough," and he went out the door to
watch the boy try again.

At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his
grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would leak
out before he got back to the house.

The boy again dipped the basket into river and ran hard, but when he
reached his grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breath, he
said, "See Grandpa, it's useless!" >

"So you think it is useless?" The old man said, "Look at the basket."

The boy looked at the basket and for the first time realized that the
basket was different. It had been transformed from a dirty old coal basket
and was now clean, inside and out.

"Son, that's what happens when you read the Bhagavat Gita. You might not
understand or remember everything, but when you read it, you will be
changed, inside and out. That is the work of Krishna in our lives."

Sardar: saala, kal raat 3 ghanta Angrezi picture ki CD dekha. Na koi scene dikha na awaaz sunaai diya.
Friend: Movie ka naam kya tha?
Sardar: "NO DISC INSERTED".

Q: Why don't the Income Tax people ever raid Mallika Sherawat's home?
A: She has no hidden assets!

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife!!

Man receives telegram: Wife dead. Should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes.

A girl says to her boyfriend, "One kiss and I'll be yours forever."
The guys says, "thanks for the warning!!"

Q: What's the difference between data & information?
A: 362436 = Data whereas 36-24-36 = Information!!

A chat with Dr.Devi Shetty, Narayana Hrudayalaya (Heart Specialist) Bangalore was arranged by WIPRO for its employees. The transcript of the chat is given below. Useful for everyone.

Qn: What are the thumb rules for a layman to take care of his heart?
Ans:
1. Diet - Less of carbohydrate, more of protein, less oil
2.Exercise - Half an hour's walk, at least five days a week; avoid lifts and avoid sitting for a longtime
3. Quit smoking
4. Control weight
5. Control blood pressure and sugar

Qn: Is eating non-vegfood (fish) good for the heart?
Ans: No

Qn: It's still a grave shock to hear that some apparently healthy person
gets a cardiac arrest. How do we understand it in perspective?
Ans: This is called silent attack; that is why we recommend everyone past the age of 30 to undergo routine healthcheckups.

Qn: Are heart diseases hereditary?
Ans: Yes

Qn: What are the ways in which the heart is stressed? What practices do you suggest to de-stress?
Ans:Change your attitude towards life.Do not look for perfection in everything in life.

Qn: Is walking better than jogging or is more intensive exercise required to keep a healthy heart?
Ans: Walking is better than jogging since jogging leads to early fatigue and injury to joints.

Qn: You have done so much for the poor and needy. What has inspired you to do so?
Ans: Mother Theresa, who was my patient.

Qn: Can people with low blood pressure suffer heart diseases?
Ans: Extremely rare

Qn: Does cholesterol accumulate right froman early age(I'mcurrently only 22) or do you have to worry about it only after you areabove 30 years of age?
Ans: Cholesterol accumulates from childhood.

Qn: How do irregular eating habits affect the heart?
Ans: You tend to eat junk food when thehabits are irregular and your body's enzyme release for digestion getsconfused.

Qn: How can I control cholesterol content without using medicines?
Ans: Control diet, walk and eat walnut.

Qn: Can yoga prevent heart ailments?
Ans: Yoga helps.

Qn: Which is the best and worst food forthe heart?
Ans: Fruits and vegetables are the best and the worst is oil.

Qn: Which oil is better - groundnut,sunflower, olive?
Ans: All oils are bad.

Qn: What is the routine checkup one should go through? Is there any specific test?
Ans: Routine blood test to ensure sugar,cholesterol is ok. Check BP, Treadmill test after an echo.

Qn: What are the first aid steps to be taken on a heart attack?
Ans: Help the person into a sleeping position, place an aspirin tablet under the tongue with a sorbitrate tablet if available, and rush him to a coronary care unit since the maximum casualty takes place within the first hour.

Qn: How do you differentiate between pain caused by a heart attack and that caused due to gastric trouble?
Ans: Extremely difficult without ECG.

Qn: What is the main cause of a steep increase in heart problems amongst youngsters? I see people of about30-40 yrs of age having heart attacks and serious heart problems.
Ans: Increased awareness has increased incidents. Also, sedentary lifestyles, smoking, junk food, lack of exercise in a country where people are genetically three times more vulnerable for heart attacks than Europeans and Americans.

Qn: Is it possible for a person to have BP outside the normal range of 120/80 and yet be perfectly healthy?
Ans: Yes.

Qn: Marriages within close relatives canlead to heart problems for the child. Is it true?
Ans: Yes, co-sanguinity leads to congenital abnormalities and you may not have a software engineer as a child

Qn: Many of us have an irregular daily routine and many a times we have to stay late nights in office. Doesthis affect our heart? What precautions would you recommend?
Ans: When you are young, nature protects you against all these irregularities. However, as you grow older,respect the biological clock.

Qn: Will taking anti-hypertensive drugs cause some other complications (short / long term)?
Ans: Yes, most drugs have some side effects. However, modern anti-hypertensive drugs are extremely safe.

Qn: Will consuming more coffee/tea lead to heart attacks?
Ans: No.

Qn: Are asthma patients more prone to heartdisease?
Ans: No.

Qn: How would you define junk food?
Ans: Fried food like KFC, McDonalds, samosas, and even masala dosas.

Qn: You mentioned that Indians are three times more vulnerable. What is the reason for this, as Europeans and Americans also eat a lot of junk food?
Ans: Every race is vulnerable to some disease and unfortunately, Indians are vulnerable for the most expensive disease.

Qn: Does consuming bananas help reduce hypertension?
Ans: No.

Qn: Can a person help himself during aheart attack (Because we see a lot of forwarded emails on this)?
Ans: Yes. Lie down comfortably and put an aspirin tablet of any description under the tongue and ask someone to take you to the nearest coronary care unit without any delay and do not wait for the ambulance since most of the time, the ambulance does not turn up.

Qn: Do, in any way, low white blood cells and low haemoglobin count lead to heart problems?
Ans: No. But it is ideal to have normal haemoglobin level to increase your exercise capacity.

Qn: Sometimes, due to the hectic schedule we are not able to exercise. So, does walking while doing daily choresat home or climbing the stairs in the house, work as a substitute for exercise?
Ans: Certainly. Avoid sitting continuously for more than half an hour and even the act of getting out of the chair and going to another chair and sitting helps a lot.

Qn: Is there a relation between heart problems and blood sugar?
Ans: Yes. A strong relationship, since diabetics are more vulnerable to heart attacks than non-diabetics.

Qn: What are the things one needs to takecare of after a heart operation?
Ans: Diet, exercise, drugs on time , Control cholesterol, BP, weight.

Qn: Are people working on night shifts more vulnerable to heart disease when compared to day shift workers?
Ans: No.

Qn: What are the modern anti-hypertensive drugs?
Ans: There are hundreds of drugs and your doctor will choose the right combination for your problem, but my suggestion is to avoid the drugs and go for natural ways of controlling blood pressure by walk, diet to reduce weight and changing attitudes towards lifestyles.

Qn: Does dispirin or similar headache pills increase the risk of heart attacks?
Ans: No.

Qn: Why is the rate of heart attacks more in men than in women?
Ans: Nature protects women till the age of 45.

Qn: How can one keep the heart in a good condition?
Ans: Eat a healthy diet, avoid junk food, exercise everyday, do not smoke and, go for health checkups if you are past the age of 30 (once in six months recommended) ...