For 2 years a man was having an affair with an
Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was
pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation
or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of
money if she would go to Italy to secretly have
the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child,
he would also provide child support until the child
turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the
baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to
simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti'
on the back. He would then arrange for the child
support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his
confused wife.
'Honey!,' she said, 'you received a very strange
post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it
later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as
her husband read the card, turned white,
and fainted.

On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce.'

Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad,
so make arrangement.

Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and
I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.

Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going
abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving
private tution: I have work for a week, so you need
not come for class.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a
week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets
spend the week together.

Grandpa make call to his secretary: This week I am
spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend
that meeting.

Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss
has some work, we cancelled our trip.

Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend
this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving
private tution: This week we will have class as usual.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my
teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I
can't give you company.

Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this
week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement .

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought
she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to
discuss the problem. The Doctor told him
there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the
Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from
her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears
you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and s o on until you get a
response.'
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was
in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see
what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for
dinner?'
No response.
So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his
wife and repeats, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his
wife and asks, Honey what's for dinner?'
Again he gets no response so,
He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's
for dinner?'
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
'James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!'

Moral of the story:
The problem may not be with the other person as we always think, could be very much within us..!

i saw u sitting and crying..
so i asked u why ?
u dint answer..
i tried to hold ur hand..
but u walked away... wiping ur tears
then i realized we were sitting on my GRAVE !

Ek Din Aap Yoon Humko Mil Jayenge
Phool Hi Phool Raahon Mein Khil Jayenge
Maine Socha Na Tha ....

Ek Din Aap Yoon Humko Mil Jayenge
Phool Hi Phool Raahon Mein Khil Jayenge
Maine Socha Na Tha ...

Ek Din Zindagi Itni Hogi Haseen
Jhoomega Aasmaan Gaayegi Ye Zameen
Maine Socha Na Tha

Dil Ki Daali Pe Kaliyaan Si Khilne Lagin
Jab Nigaahein Nigaahon Se Milne Lagin
Ek Din Is Tarah Hosh Kho Jayenge
Paas Aaye To Madhosh Ho Jayenge
Maine Socha Na Tha

Ek Din Aap Yoon Humko Mil Jayenge
Phool Hi Phool Raahon Mein Khil Jayenge
Maine Socha Na Tha

Jagamagati Hui Jaagti Raat Hai
Raat Hai Ya Sitaaron Ki Barsaat Hai
Ek Din Dil Ki Raahon Mein Apne Liye
Jal Uthenge Mohabbat Ke Itne Diye
Maine Socha Na Tha

Ek Din Zindagi Itni Hogi Haseen
Jhoomega Aasmaan Gaayegi Ye Zameen
Maine Socha Na Tha

Ek Din Aap Yoon Humko Mil Jayenge
Phool Hi Phool Raahon Mein Khil Jayenge
Maine Socha Na Tha
Maine Socha Na Tha
Maine Socha Na Tha...

My wife called, 'How long will you be poring over that newspaper? Will you
come here and make your darling daughter eat her food?' I tossed the paper away and rushed to the scene. My only daughter Sindu looked frightened.
Tears were welling up in her eyes. In front of her was a bowl filled to its
brim with Curd Rice. Sindu is a nice child, quite intelligent for her age.
She has just turned eight. She particularly detested Curd Rice. My mother
and my wife are orthodox, and believe firmly in the 'coolingeffects' of
Curd Rice! I cleared my throat, and picked up the bowl. 'Sindu, darling,
why don't you take a few mouthful of this Curd Rice?Just for Dad's sake,
dear. And, if you don't, your Mom will shout at me'I could sense my wife's
scowl behind my back. Sindu softened a bit, and wiped her tears with the back of her hands. 'OK, Dad. I will eat - not just a few mouthfuls, but
the whole lotof this. But, you should...' Sindu hesitated. 'Dad, if I eat
this entire curd Rice, will you give me whatever I ask for?'

Oh sure, darling'.

'Promise?'

'Promise'.

I covered the pink soft hand extended by my daughter with mine, and
clinched the deal. 'Ask Mom also to give a similar promise', my daughter insisted.

My wife slapped her hand on Sindu's, muttering 'Promise', without
any emotion.

Now I became a bit anxious. 'Sindu dear,
you shouldn't insist on getting a computer or any such expensive items. Dad does not have that kind of money right now. OK?'

'No, Dad. I do not want anything expensive'.

Slowly and painfully, she finished eating the whole quantity.
I was silently angry with my wife and my mother for forcing my child eats something that she detested.
After the ordeal was through, Sindu came to me with her eyes wide with
expectation.
All our attention was on her.

'Dad, I want to have my head shaved off, this Sunday!' was her demand.

'Atrocious!' shouted my wife, 'A girl child having her head shaved off?
Impossible!'

'Never in our family!' my mother rasped.
'She has been watching too much of television.
Our culture is getting totally spoiled with these TV programs!'

Sindu darling, why don't you ask for something else?
We will be sad seeing you with a clean-shaven head.'

'No, Dad. I do not want anything else', Sindu said with finality.

'Please, Sindu, why don't you try to understand our feelings?' I tried to
plead with her.

'Dad, you saw how difficult it was for me to eat that Curd Rice'. Sindu
was in tears.

'And you promised to grant me whatever I ask for.
Now, you are going back on your words.
Was it not you who told me the story of King Harishchandra,
and its moral that we should honor our promises no matter what?'

It was time for me to call the shots. 'Our promise must be kept.'

'Are you out your mind?' chorused my mother and wife.

'No. If we go back on our promises, she will never learn to honor her own.

Sindu, your wish will be fulfilled.'

With her head clean-shaven, Sindu had a round-face, and her eyes looked
big and beautiful.

On Monday morning, I dropped her at her school.
It was a sight to watch my hairless Sindu walking towards her classroom.
She turned around and waved.

I waved back with a smile.

Just then, a boy alighted from a car, and shouted, 'Sinduja, please wait for me!'

What struck me was the hairless head of that boy.
'May be, that is the in-stuff', I thought.

'Sir, your daughter Sinduja is great indeed!'
Without introducing herself, a lady got out of the car,
and continued,' That boy who is walking along with your daughter is my
son Harish.

He is suffering from... ... leukemia.' She paused to muffle her sobs.

'Harish could not attend the school for the whole of the last month.

He lost all his hair due to the side effects of the chemotherapy. He
refused to come back to school fearing the unintentional but cruel
teasing of the schoolmates.'

Sinduja visited him last week, and promised him that she will take care of the teasing issue.

But, I never imagined she would sacrifice her lovely hair for the sake of
my son!

Sir, you and your wife are blessed to have such a noble soul as your
daughter.'

I stood transfixed. And then, I wept.
'My little Angel, you are teaching me how self-less real love is!'

Ya Kundendu
Ya Kundendu Tushaara Haara Dhavalaa
Ya Shubhra Vastraanvita
Ya Veena Vara Danda Manditakara
Ya Shwetha Padmaasana
Ya Brahma Achyutaha Shankara Prabrithibhih
Devai Sadaa Poojitha
Saa Maam Paatu Sarasvathi Bhagavati
Nishyesha Jyaadyaapaha

Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi

Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi
Maine dil se kaha dhoond laana khushi


Bechaara kahan jaanta tha
Khalish hai yeh kya khala hai
Shehar bhar ki khushi se
Yeh dard mera bhala hai
Jashna yeh raaz na aaye
Mazaa toh bas gam main aaya hai

Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi

Kabhi hai ishq ka ujaala
Kabhi hai maut ka andhera
Bataao kaun bes hoga
Main jogi banu ya lutera
Kayi chehre hai is dil ke
Najaane kaunsa mera

Maine dil se kaha dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi

Hazaaron aaise phaasle the
Jo Tai karne chale the
raahe magar chal padi thi
Aur peeche hum rah gaye the
kadam Do chaar chal paaye
Kiye phere tere mann ke

Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi

Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route.

No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it.

The next day the same thing happened - Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next! This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.

Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself.

So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" The driver stood up, glared back at him, and screamed, "And why not?" With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."

Management Lesson: Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working very hard to solve one.

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;If all men count with you, but none too much,If you can fill the unforgiving minuteWith sixty seconds' worth of distance run,Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

-- Rudyard Kipling

Such is Human nature. Its foolish mistakes continue.

Useless hopes and dreams are not easy to overcome by reasons and common sense.
One clings widely to some vain hope, until a day comes when it has sucked the heart dry and then it breaks the rope that binds it and flies away. After that comes the misery of awakening.
But before long, one is filled once more with a desire to return to the same old mistakes!!

--Rabindra Nath Tagore

Alice came to the fork in the road.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice, answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

How important is it to find a direction in life…to know where you are going and why?? Further how difficult is to choose road less traveled?

I have wondered about it for ages. Dilemma at every nook and corner. I have realized predicament is the result of too many choices. People say, you know deep in your heart what you want to do. Well the problem is we want to do everything. And sometimes I wish we had 3 or 4 parallel lives running so we could live each of our choices and see where it takes us. Well life being life, that doesn’t happen… So for all of us who are in one of those tight spots speculating your next step, remember what the Cheshire cat told Alice and unfortunately if the choice goes kaput…Well then its time to repress another memory!!!!

Keep smiling people!!!!

DILIP VENGSARKAR When you rearrange the letters: SPARKLING DRIVE

PRINCESS DIANA When you rearrange the letters: END IS A CAR SPIN

MONICA LEWINSKY When you rearrange the letters: NICE SILKY WOMAN

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROO M

ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER

DESPERATION When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE

A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE

MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Are there reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

Do you cry under water?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream ??

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me !!!!)

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on . . .. . . . . . ..

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

A Man to God

Man:"Give me a bag full of money, a job and a vehicle full of girls"

God replies:"Granted"

and made him a bus conductor of a ladies' special bus!

moral: be specific........

Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it. Touching words from the mouth of babes. A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does love mean?'

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined See what you think:
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'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

Rebecca- age 8
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different..
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

Billy - age 4
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'

Karl - age 5
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'

Chrissy - age 6
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'

Terri - age 4
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'

Danny - age 7
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that.
They look gross when they kiss'

Emily - age 8
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents
and listen.'

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'

Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'

Noelle - age 7
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'

Tommy - age 6
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'

Cindy - age 8
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'

Clare - age 6
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'

Elaine-age 5
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'

Chris - age 7
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'

Mary Ann - age 4
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'

Lauren - age 4
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you' (what an image)

Karen - age 7
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'

Jessica - age 8
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And the final one

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,
'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'
The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Damit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.' The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'
The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on ... you never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'

I love this part....

'Only when he's been drinking.'