Snatched dis link from one of the buddy blogger :)

Link

Few examples :

Al Desco -Describes any meal eaten at your desk (you have our sympathies if it's dinner).
ALAP -As Late As Possible
Blamestorming - Meeting to discuss a failure and find a scapegoat
Deja moo - The nagging feeling that you've heard this B.S. before
Enail - An email sent for the sole purpose of making a point in writing, usually at another person's expense. Most effective when cc'ed to as many senior people as possible
Facipulate - An unfortunate mix of 'facilitate' and 'manipulate', this contrived verb refers to influencing the course of a discussion by indirectly promoting particular lines of thought
FUBAR-F***ed Up Beyond All Repair
Head shunting - The secret hiring of a head hunter to persuade an ineffectual employee to take a position at another firm. Nicely eliminates the mess of having to fire someone

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.

The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up.
All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss.

So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Management Lesson: You don't need brains to be Boss, any asshole will do!

Poetic Resignation


The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig

The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don't know if I should stay.
To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say
My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don't know if I should stay.


The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age
This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don't know if I should stay.


The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate
Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don't know if I should stay!


The managers don't know what they talk
The team doesn't know where they walk
That's a bad situation, what say?
I don't know if I should stay.


I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace
I can't keep switching day by day
I don't know if I should stay.


The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess
No more will I walk their way,
It's all done, I won't stay.


Thanks & Regards
Employee


"" Manager Response ""

Reply: What I want to say? (Manager)

The decision is good or decision is bad
Only God knows still I am glad
Keep moving in life that is what I can say


If you feel right go in the same way
May god give you the work, the challenge you want
Anyway there is always a second chance
Chances are there, grab them snatch them
That is what I can say


Keep on jumping companies to get more and more and more....
That will keep you always a fore (Even to me)

From my experience I can tell you


Being in software development is like taking hell out of you
You are frustrated since you have no quality work
And you were frustrated because you had quantity work

It's always like that previous job was better than the current one
And expects the new job will be much better than this one
But what you get is a frustration level up to sun
Than you will again send the resignation like this one
This is all what I want to say


Have you completed all the formalities?
Filled the form and got it signed from department humanities (HR)
Once done you can take all your cash
But don't refer others as they will follow you're a*s.
At last I appreciate your contribution to the company
Even though there was not any....

You will keep a copy of this with you for FYI
Don't feel shy
As I also got it some time back from my old manger say Hi....
That is all what I want to say.


Thanks & Regards
Manager

Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
sent away as soon as possible.


Signed - Project Leader


A MEMO WAS SOON SENT FOLLOWING THE LETTER:

"That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report
sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7, 9,11,
13) for my true assessment of him."

It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter.

Along comes a fox, out for a walk.
Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits
don't eat foxes!"
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"

They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes,
gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and
resumes typing.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit
returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to
typing.!

Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."

Bear: "Well that's absurd!
Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"

As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.


Moral:IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS. WHAT MATTERS IS WHO YOU HAVE FOR A SUPERVISOR.

In the context of the working world:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU.
-------------------------------------------------

Two camels (a mother and a baby) were lazing around, when suddenly baby camel said.
Baby: "mother, mother, can I ask you some question?"
Mother: "sure! why son, is there something bothering you?"
Baby: "why do camel have humps?"
Mother: "well son, we are desert animals, we need the humps to store water and we are known to survive without water."
Baby: "okay, then why are our legs long and our feet rounded."
"Son, obviously they are meant for walking in the desert. You know with these legs I can move around the desert better than anyone", said the mother proudly.

Baby: "okay, said baby camel. "then why are our eye lashes long?
Sometimes it is bothering my sight." said baby camel.
Mother: "my son, those long thick eye lashes are your protective cover.
They help to protect your eyes from the desert sand and wind." Said mother camel with eyes brimming with pride.
Baby: "I see. So the hump is to store water when we are in the desert, the legs are for walking through the desert and these eye lashes protects my eyes from the desert. Then what the hell are we doing here in a zoo???

The Moral of the Story :
Skills, Knowledge, Abilities and Experience are only useful if the
management gives oppurtunity!!
-------------------------------------------------

It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"
Fox: "Hmm. But it's a very complicated mechanism, and
your great claws will only destroy it even more"
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great
claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.
Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken! "
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no
way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV"
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"

The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Scene: Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.

Moral:
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A SUPERVISOR IS FAMOUS, LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS
SUBORDINATES.

In the context of the working world:
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED, LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it"“In order to be something you've never been, you have to do something you've never done.” --Aaron Hogue

"Persistence is what makes the impossible possible, the possible likely and the likely definite".

"For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness."

May your all the deliveries be bug free in the coming year
May you raise more KRAs (Key Resource Areas) in the coming year
May you find more fatal defects in the coming year
May you get on-site opportunities as soon as possible
May your Boss stop assigning you work on Friday evenings
May your pay be the best among the industry
May you not learn many more languages in the near future
May you get flood of mails and forwards from everybody and lastly,
May you see a world beyond coding, reviews ,de-bugging and delivering.

Vsh U A Very Yappi New Year -- 2007 :)